LOVE and HATE it

I'm confusing of nothing right now, but I am always confused when thinking about this one subject. It's a very tiring subject, stealing most my time for it, sometimes i like it, but there's certain period makes me hate it so much. I want to go further with this subject one time, but sometimes it makes me want to run away far far from it.

Firstly, about first, very first impression. From the very first impression, of course most will dislike this subject, has projects in it, while there is still labs in it, etc etc. In the first lecture, I came alone, without my friends, because I came from room, not from another classes, because it was still first week, and surprisingly still no student came down, whereas it's 10 minutes before class started. I came in, and not long after that the lecturer came in, asked my name, and chatted for a very short time. Then another students finally arrived, lectures went on, and the other 1 person came. Well, let's see what the technician, or whoever she is, want to say, but, what the heck, she is lecturer, then, then why she was dressing in such errr, dont know how to describe it.

Still First First First, now first tutorial, ok, everyone has to contribute (less than 10 students per class), have to do the questions, whatever happens. Then getting tougher, first or second lecture, we are asked to buy (and read of course) the textbooks (not 1, but 2!!), and it is really really advisable (or almost compulsary). Then came the first lab, and I think it's gonna tougher, moreover, my friend directly chose me to become the group leader, err, I'm going to be angry. Quickly came the first meeting, and we keep debating, why? because the question in lab report is not so clear, ok, i have my own assumptions, they have their own. Then? Right, I'm dying, debating took most my energies, whereas some other members just 'watching' the 'horror movies'. Before going on, just want to take note first that this still goes on, until NOW!!

About the lecture notes, they are always posted out a few hours or minutes before, oh hell, what are you doing the whole time?? But on the other hand, I love the way that lecturer gave his/her ideas, presented the lessons, etc etc. But again, the tutorial (to be done by GROUP) was always posted 1 or 2 days before. I ALWAYS have to hurry so much before and after I went to temple on Sunday. It's fine at first, it's still my job, as a student, nothing to complain about. I have to use my time for studying, that's all. Hey2, suddenly my group mates simply (or fooly) ask, do you need my help? Or sometimes just pretend as if nothing happens, thinking, oh well, there's tutorial tmrw, then it's fine lhaa, my friends are struggling on it, i'll pray so hard for them. Errr, cant believe it, for 1 semester, and it's my closest friend, hell...

Talking about lab, project, there will always be meetings, and of course, not because as the team leader, but as a member as well, as a student, and as a PERSON (well, i'm alive), I have to give my opinions, and so often, because of the worst worst worst explanation in lab manual, we keep debating, and in meetings, that's all fine, but why, there is other who ALWAYS just sitting, 'watching the war', and numb. Whereas I try to put my ideas, which sometimes I think somehow better than the others, but he/they just watching the drama, although they're in same way of thinking with me. And if he's assigned a job, then came to me, ask, anything, keep asking, dude why not struggling yourself first before keep disturbing me? Become a numb when you should SAY something but disturb me when you should do your job, YOURSELF. Again, I am, speechless, such a close friend, doing such matters.

Apart from those all, stressful things (although I'm not a stressful person), this subject is a huge, important, big one in terms of credits it has. Then the stressful keep going on, while I [really] enjoy studying it but it keep pushing and pushing me. The lecturers give a lot of supports, ideas, excellent (IMO) way of teaching, but sometimes put in a lot of burdens when they're supposed to be helpful. I hope I will soon pass this semester, and all subjects in it. But still, like how I learn a lot from this subject, apart from the knowledge given, I learn that, friend is a forever friend, but when the tasks coming, you still, should be professional. Sigh, sigh, want to push the time to go faster :(